The Best of Now and Here
by Dexick
Summary: What would have happened if Kara hadn't left Lee for Sam on New Caprica?


No longer forward nor behind I look in hope or fear;  
But, grateful, take the good I find, the best of now and here.  
John Whittier, U.S. poet

The first thing Kara was aware of when she woke was the gentle rise and fall of Lee's chest under her cheek. She tensed as she remembered what had happened last night; she couldn't believe that she had frakked things up between them again. She needed to get away from Lee's intoxicating presence and quickly before he woke up.

She slowly started to inch away from him but she was impeded by the fact that his hand was tangled in her hair. When she finally extricated herself from his unconscious grip, he mumbled something sounding suspiciously like "love you" before rolling back over. She held herself perfectly still, waiting for him to fall back asleep before moving the last few feet away from him.

Feeling safer a distance from where he slept, she sat back down, wrapped her arms around herself against the chilly New Caprican air, and watched as the sun crept above the horizon. She could not deny that the night before was something she wanted. Quite the contrary, she couldn't remember a time since the attacks when she had been happier. That little voice in her head told her that nothing more could come of what had happened despite what her heart wanted.

The longer she sat there, the more she thought about why she and Lee could never be. Her mind began to run in a pattern she was very familiar with, talking herself out of what she knew she wanted. She shouldn't be with Lee because of Zak, not to mention the frat regs. But the frat regs were not quite so relevant in a post-apocalyptical world. Besides she was planning on mustering out of military so the frat regs would be moot anyway. But then there was the fact that Lee was the brother of her dead fiancé; a man whose death she has caused just as surely as if she had held a gun to his temple. As she had explained, she didn't want to be the one to crush him and his dreams. She knew how broken her life would have remained if she had been denied flying after only one taste. It had taken a very awkward and difficult conversation with Adama and many prayers, but she had finally forgiven herself. Despite forgiveness and reassurances from the Old Man, she still couldn't help feeling that perhaps her past with the Adama family was much too complicated and twisted for her and Lee to form anything other than a disastrous relationship.

And that thought led to Sam who knew nothing of her past and had never judged her for her numerous mistakes. Her brave resistance hero had confessed the first night after the resistance had been rescued that he had often been on the verge of giving up hope. Then he would think of her and although they had known each other for less than a week, he knew that she was going to keep her promise. That was the only thing that kept him going as the Cylons gunned down his team one by one. How could she betray that trust now, after she had fulfilled her promise? Yet she could not shake the feeling of 'wrongness' to the situation. Sam really didn't know anything about her. Granted, she was grateful he couldn't judge her because of her past, but he also didn't know what lay beneath the tough mask of Starbuck. Sam didn't know Kara, and she was afraid to open up again after so many broken promises.

Yet Lee already knew her; knew many of her secrets too. He knew her moods and self-destructive habits almost as well as she knew his. When she was pissed off at her nuggets, he would drag her to the gym for a sparring match. When the stick was so far up his ass it was practically sticking out of his head, she would drag him, despite protests about paperwork and flight schedules, to the rec room for a drink and a game of triad.

However, as often as they were inseparable, they spent equal amounts of time at each other's throats, screaming at one another over the stupidest things. As quickly as their fights escalated, they were just as easily forgotten. It was damn near impossible to understand in the best of times, another reason why many people, including themselves, wondered if they were crazy for still being friends.

By the time the sun had fully risen above the horizon, she had made her decision. She had just finished pulling her double tanks back on when a sleepy "Hey" stopped her in her tracks.

She spun around to face him, holding her jacket up in front of her. "Hey," she replied.

"Today's the day. You ready?" He asked, beginning to pull his blues back on.

"Lee…." she watched as his shoulders stiffened, bracing himself for what she was about to say. "I don't know. Last night it all seemed possible but…"

He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. "Don't Kara. Don't do this."

She turned her eyes away from him hoping for some form of escape, but he only tightened his grip.

"If last night meant nothing then we can forget the whole thing happened and go back to what we had. But I know that's not what you really want."

"How do you know what I want?" she snapped. If only he would let her go. His grip on her arms brought back memories of last night, and that was the last thing she wanted. Her heart was pounding against her ribs and she was surprised that he couldn't hear it.

Lee grabbed her hand and placed it over her pounding heart, leaving his own covering hers. "This is how I know. Stop denying this! We've done that for too long!"

Kara viciously twisted out of his grip. "For good reason! It would never work, and you _know_ that. This cannot happen, but since it has, the only thing to do is pretend it never DID!"

"Well I can't pretend it didn't Kara. I love you too frakking much to imagine this away. And we'll never know if this'll work if we don't try! Staying together can't be harder than staying apart."

"But if it doesn't work, we could lose everything…"

"We can take it one day at a time. If forever seems to big... we'll just make it through each day."

"One day at a time."

"That's all I'm asking Kara. Don't think about the future, here and now is what matters."

Kara looked into his eyes, begging for them for an answer. He sounded so sure, so certain; the blue of his eyes dark and intense with his conviction. She could very easily fall into the depths of love she saw in them. She realized with a start that she _wanted _to, and now, there was no reason not to. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled his face down to hers.

"All right," she whispered against his lips before capturing them in kiss.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her flush against him. He groaned against her mouth before pulling away.

"I have to go Kara." He whispered reluctantly.

"I know." She made no move to release him however, simply enjoying the warmth of his arms.

"I have a ship to run."

"I know." She leaned even further into his chest.

"You know I love you, and as much as I want to stay here, I have to go. Get some papers in order for your transfer."

"I know. Wait… what?" She extricated herself from his arms and started incredulously at him. "What transfer?"

He chuckled. "Showboat's going planet side and I need a new CAG on Pegasus. And that's gonna be you."

"I thought you knew that I didn't want the job; not a big enough dipstick remember."

"Yeah, but that was when you'd be serving on Galactica under dad. This time you'll be under me. Completely different situation you know."

"Under you? I thought last night proved I much prefer to be on top." She punctuated that remark with a wink and then burst out laughing when he blushed.

"Come on flyboy; let's get you to your ship."

They walked back to the settlement, hand-in-hand, simply enjoying one another's presence. Kara was relieved that they had fallen back into the easy banter of the early days of their friendship. One of her biggest fears was that things would be awkward between them once they were 'more than friends.'

When they reached the settlement and saw Adama in the street, she dropped Lee's hand as if she had been burned. It was one thing to open up and commit to a relationship with Lee. It was quite another for everyone to know about it.

"Good morning admiral." Lee said noncommittally as he and Kara walked towards him.

Adama noticed a subtle difference in his son that he couldn't quite identify. It was as if there was a calm about his person that hadn't been there before. His gaze shifted to Kara who he could have sworn was trying to hold back a smile. Something was up with them; he just wasn't quite sure what it was yet.

He took in their rumpled clothing and sleepy looks, "Looks like you two had a good time."

"Yeah, it was one hell of a party." With that, he very casually wrapped an arm around Kara's shoulders.

Bill experienced a moment of shock at the intimacy that radiated from that simple gesture. When Kara looked up at Lee's face with a look of half irritation and half... joy? Everything clicked into place. He couldn't help but grin when he realized how they had been celebrating last night. He looked towards Kara, "I take it you won't be mustering out after all?"

She let out a small laugh and shook her head. Then she got very serious and looked at him square in the eye.

"I, umm… we didn't plan this sir. It… just happened. I ,uh… I want you to know that."

Adama knew that was her way of asking if he was okay with 'them.' He was incredibly touched by her sincerity. She was actually worried that wouldn't approve of them finally getting together. It was about damned time in his opinion; his children had stubborn streaks as big as the colonies themselves He realized that he was taking too long with a response when he saw Lee's hand tighten on Kara's shoulder. She wasn't the only one waiting for his reaction.

He reached out and pushed a wayward lock of her hair back behind her ear. "I am very happy for you two. Never doubt that." He addressed Lee next, "You take good care of our girl Commander."

"Yes sir. Now if you'll excuse us, I have a Raptor to catch."

They slowly walked to the field where the shuttles were waiting. Neither one wanted to be the first one to leave, they wanted to make the peace of the morning last forever. When Racetrack showed up and announced that it was time to go, they knew that they couldn't delay any longer.

"I'll be there on the next shuttle. I have some things to take care of down here first." Neither one acknowledged that Lee also would also need that time to talk to Dee and explain why her transfer was suddenly going to be revoked.

"I'll be waiting." He gave her a quick peck on the cheek before ducking inside the waiting Raptor to begin the preflight check.

There was nothing to do now but talk to Sam and get her few belongings together. There were a few more shuttles planned later that afternoon to take the rest of the revelers back to their respective ships.

While she walked back to the settlement, she realized that she wasn't as scared about talking to Sam as she thought she would be. That lack of fear was what finally convinced her that she was making the right decision. Now, she only needed to tell Sam.

She found him on sitting at a table around the dance floor tossing a pyramid ball from hand to hand, staring off into space. He looked up when he realized that someone was approaching. He tossed the ball over to her and she deftly caught it before palming it in both hands.

"Sam, we have to talk."

His face contorted in confusion but when he saw her sidelong glance towards the powering-up Raptor, it was as if a light bulb went on in his head. He suddenly realized where she had been all night and that morning. His confusion quickly turned to anger.

"I wondered where you ended up last night." When she didn't answer or meet his gaze, he continued. "So that's it then. You made your choice."

She nodded slowly, still keeping her eyes on the ground, which was suddenly very interesting.

"I wish I can say that I'm happy for you. But we both know that would be a lie. I won't be here next time you need an easy frak. I hope you know that."

She jerked her head up and met his gaze square on. "I do know that. But I also know that there won't be a next time. This is it. You don't need to be happy for me Sam. I'm happy for myself, and sometimes, we have to make ourselves happy first. Good-bye Sam. I hope you find what you are looking for too." With that, she turned around and walked away with her head held high.

Her time with Sam was over; it had given her the courage to pursue what she had always needed and just didn't know it. She smiled as she lifted her face to the sky where Lee was waiting for her. This was going to be interesting.


End file.
